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I need to state unequivocally that it is possible to hold a principled objection to Same Sex Marriage. It is false to assume that one who holds strong core values regarding traditional marriage is simply acting out ignorance, hatred or some homophobic bias.
One of the very first questions that proponents of Same Sex Marriage ask is, “What is wrong with two loving people wanting to get married”? They often follow that up with, “who are they hurting”.
Second to these kinds of questions, is the argument by Same Sex Marriage advocates that the “only basis” for not supporting Same Sex Marriage are the often quoted “Biblical admonitions”. (Go to www.lifewithsmiles.com and click on the Q & A button to read more of what God says about Homosexuality)
Even then some rationalize their support of Same Sex Marriage by pointing out that while the Old Testament condemns same-sex relationships, Jesus said nothing about it, so it must be okay. Granted, there is no recorded statement from Jesus on the subject of homosexuality. However, we have no direct quote from Jesus about slavery or rape either. So, obviously, the absence of a statement from Jesus doesn’t qualify as an endorsement.
Actually, for me the Biblical admonition is enough but for those who think that is my only reasoning or that my views qualify me as “homophobic”, here are some Reasons Why I Do Not Support Same Sex Marriage apart from my strongly held biblical core values.
By the way, it is very strange that advocates of Same Sex Marriage accuse people like me of “pushing my beliefs on others” well given the official estimates that the homosexual population ranges from 2 to 4 percent may I ask, “who is Pushing whom”?
* Same Sex Marriage is Not Marriage
Calling something marriage does not make it marriage. Marriage has always been a covenant between a man and a woman who is by its nature ordered toward the procreation and education of children and the unity and wellbeing of the spouses.
The promoters of same-sex “marriage” propose something entirely different. They propose the union between two men or two women. This denies the self-evident biological, physiological, and psychological differences between men and women which find their complementarity in marriage. It also denies the specific primary purpose of marriage: the perpetuation of the human race and the raising of children.
Two entirely different things cannot be considered the same thing.
* Same Sex Marriage violates Natural Law
Marriage is not just any relationship between human beings. It is a relationship rooted in human nature and thus governed by natural law.
Any situation which institutionalizes the circumvention of the purpose of the sexual act violates natural law and the objective norm of morality.
Being rooted in human nature, natural law is universal and immutable. It applies to the entire human race, equally.
* Same Sex Marriage (by its nature) will always Deny a Child either a Father or a Mother
It is in the child’s best interests that he be raised under the influence of his natural father and mother. This rule is confirmed by the evident difficulties faced by the many children who are orphans or are raised by a single parent, a relative, or a foster parent. Obviously single parents or guardians of children do a wonderful job; however, the ideal is a father and mother in loving marital relationship.
A child of a same-sex “marriage” will always be deprived of either his natural mother or father. Same-sex “marriage” ignores a child’s best interests.
* Same Sex Marriage Validates and Promotes the Homosexual Lifestyle
In the name of the “family,” same-sex “marriage” serves to validate not only such unions but the whole homosexual lifestyle in all its bisexual and transgender variants.
Same Sex Marriage will externally shape the life of society, and also profoundly modify everyone’s perception and evaluation of forms of behavior.
* Same Sex Marriage turns a Moral Wrong into a Civil Right
Homosexual activists argue that same-sex “marriage” is a civil rights issue similar to the struggle for racial equality in the 1960s.
This is false.
Inherited and unchangeable racial traits cannot be compared with non-genetic and changeable behavior.
There is simply no analogy between the interracial marriage of a man and a woman and the “marriage” between two individuals of the same-sex.
* Same Sex Marriage defeats the State’s Purpose of Benefiting Marriage
One of the main reasons why the State bestows numerous benefits on marriage is that by its very nature and design, marriage provides the normal conditions for a stable, affectionate, and moral atmosphere that is beneficial to the upbringing of children—all fruit of the mutual affection of the parents.
Homosexual “marriage” has as its primary purpose the personal gratification of two individuals whose union is sterile by nature. It is not entitled, therefore, to the protection the State extends to true marriage.
* Same Sex Marriage is the Cutting Edge of the Sexual Revolution
In the 1960s, society was pressured to accept all kinds of immoral sexual relationships between men and women. Today we are seeing a new sexual revolution where society is being asked to accept same-sex “marriage.”
If homosexual “marriage” is universally accepted as the present step in sexual “freedom,” what logical arguments can be used to stop the next steps of incest, pedophilia, bestiality, and other forms of unnatural behavior? Indeed, radical elements of certain “avant garde” subcultures are already advocating such aberrations.
Admittedly, opponents of Same Sex Marriage are going to be labeled homophobic and intolerant. The bullies in the gay and lesbian community will hurl insults at our churches, accuse us of hate speech and of being out of step with where the culture is heading.
Remember, “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven.” (Matthew 5:11-12)
Some Material Taken from TFP Student Action
Dr. Tom Smiley is a pastor, author, speaker, blogger, husband, grand dad, and Christ-follower. He is a regional radio talk show host with WDUN Jacobs Media. He is the founder of Life with Smiles Ministry. His Sunday messages are broadcast on WDUN 550, and his “blog” entries and thoughts on God, Christian faith, current events, politics and Islam are available at http://tomsmiley.wordpress.com/
His books: Runaway Lives: Overcoming Emotional Undercurrents, Angels all Around, and Uncommon Common Sense can be ordered at his Life with Smiles website (www.lifewithsmiles.com). Dr. Smiley is available for speaking engagements and discussion forums and can be contacted at tsmiley@lakewoodlife.org or by calling 770.532.6307.
“There is no more important job in any society than raising children, and there is no more important influence on how children develop than their parents.”
A sure sign I Must be Getting OLD! While in a Restaurant, I became very annoyed at a parent, whose child was just “not having a Good day”. I don’t know if the child was ill, sleepy, or hungry. What I do know is the parent was not modeling very good parenting techniques.
So I started thinking about what are some of the most Basic Principles for Good Parenting. See if you agree.
What you do matters. Always ask yourself: What effect will my decision have on my child?”
You cannot be too loving. It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love. What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing a child too much love. It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place of love—things like leniency, lowered expectations or material possessions.
Be involved in your child’s life. Being an involved parent takes time and is hard work, and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities.
Adapt your parenting to fit your child. Make sure your parenting keeps pace with your child’s development.
Establish and set rules. Any time of the day or night, you should always be able to answer these three questions: What is my child doing? Where is my child? Who is with my child?
Foster your child’s independence. Setting limits helps your child develop a sense of self-control. Encouraging independence helps her develop a sense of self-direction. To be successful in life both are needed.
Be consistent. If your rules vary from day-to-day in an unpredictable fashion, or if you enforce them only intermittently, your child’s misbehavior is your fault, not his. Your most important disciplinary tool is consistency.
Avoid harsh discipline. Never use harsh punishment as a means of discipline.
Explain your rules and decisions. What is obvious to you may not be evident to a 12-year-old. He doesn’t have the priorities, judgment or experience that you have.
Treat your child with respect. You should give your child the same courtesies you would give to anyone else. Speak to him politely. Respect his opinion. Pay attention when he is speaking to you. Treat him kindly. Children treat others the way their parents treat them.
Model Christian Faith. Your most important task is imparting Christian Values and Morals to your child. This will enable your child to have the tools to cope with life and the challenges that will surely come.
Dr. Tom Smiley, is Senior of Pastor of Lakewood Baptist Church, Gainesville, Georgia. The 2400 member congregation is a vibrant Christian fellowship locally and globally. Dr. Smiley’s is the founder of “Life with Smiles Ministry”. His messages are broadcast on WDUN 550 and his”Blog” entries and thoughts on God, Faith, Current Events, and Islam are available at http://tomsmiley.wordpress.com/ His Books, “Runaway Lives: overcoming emotional undercurrents”, “Angels all Around”, and “Uncommon Common Sense” can be ordered at his Life with Smiles website. Contact Dr. Smiley at tsmiley@lakewoodlife.org
Sporting skills and enjoyment learned in childhood build foundations for enjoyment in sports throughout life. Sports are a way of making exercise an enjoyable and social event.
Importance of Sports
Playing Sports Can:
- improve physical fitness
- improve confidence through learning skills and success
- help children to learn to control their impulses. This is necessary for success in sports as well as social relationships.
- help build friendships
- start lifetime interests
- help children learn about rules and fair play
- help children to cope with winning and losing
- help children do better at school work
What Parents Can Do?
- Play and enjoy sports themselves so children are more likely to want to copy them and join in.
- Play with children and teach them the skills.
- Set challenges that children can succeed at and develop confidence. For example, set the target for a throwing game just within the child’s skill level.
- Support children to take part in sports without making them do so or pressuring them to do what they don’t enjoy.
- Go with children to their sport and stay to watch them.
- Encourage children and help them to focus on improving their own skills and doing the best they can do.
- Give children encouragement for what they do well.
- Show children how to be a “good sport” by how they themselves react to winning and losing, ie. clap whenever there is a good play; not just when it is your child or team that has succeeded.
- Help children to learn the rules of the game and explain why rules are important.
- Never criticize or blame children for mistakes. Help them see that everyone makes mistakes, and mistakes are to learn from.
- Explain to your child that winning does not simply mean coming first or being the best. Achieving a personal best or performing a skill for the first time is just as important as winning and should be praised and encouraged as such.
- It is important that parents show courtesy and consideration at the sporting events and do not argue with or abuse the umpires or other players. This stresses their own children as well as making it unconfortable for everyone else.
Dr. Tom Smiley, is Senior of Pastor of Lakewood Baptist Church, Gainesville, Georgia. The 2400 member congregation is a vibrant Christian fellowship locally and globally. Dr. Smiley’s is the founder of “Life with Smiles Ministry”. His messages are broadcast on WDUN 550 and his”Blog” entries and thoughts on God, Faith, Current Events, and Islam are available at http://tomsmiley.wordpress.com/ His Books, “Runaway Lives: overcoming emotional undercurrents”, “Angels all Around”, and “Uncommon Common Sense” can be ordered at his Life with Smiles website. Contact Dr. Smiley at tsmiley@lakewoodlife.org
Accepting Personal Responsibility includes:
* Acknowledging that you are solely responsible for the choices in your life.
* Accepting that you are responsible for what you choose to feel or think.
* Accepting that you choose the direction for your life.
* Accepting that you cannot blame others for the choices you have made.
* Recognizing that you are your best cheerleader; it is not reasonable or healthy for you to depend on others to make you feel good about yourself.
* Not feeling sorry for the “bum deal” you have been handed but taking hold of your life and giving it direction and reason.
* Protecting and nurturing your health and emotional well being.
* Taking preventive health oriented steps of structuring your life with time management, stress management, confronting fears and burnout prevention.
* Taking an honest inventory of your strengths, abilities, talents, virtues and positive points.
* Letting go of blame and anger toward those in your past who did the best they could, given the limitations of their knowledge, background and awareness.
How can failing to accept personal responsibility result in negative consequences?
When you have not accepted personal responsibility, you can run the risk of becoming:
* Overly dependent on others for recognition, approval, affirmation and acceptance.
* Chronically hostile, angry or depressed over how unfairly you have been or are being treated.
* Fearful about ever taking a risk or making a decision.
* Overwhelmed by disabling fears.
* Unsuccessful in personal relationships.
* Emotionally or physically unhealthy.
What do people believe who have not accepted personal responsibility?
* It’s not my fault I am the way I am.
* Life is unfair! There is no sense in trying to take control of my life.
* Why go on; I see no use in it.
* You can’t help me, nobody can help me. I’m useless and a failure.
* Life is so depressing. If only I had better luck and had been born to a healthier family, or attended a better school, or gotten a better job, etc.
* My parents made me what I am today!
* The problems in my family have influenced who I am and what I will be; there is nothing I can do to change that.
* No matter how hard I work, I will never get ahead.
* I am who I am; there is no changing me.
What behavior traits need to be developed in order to accept personal responsibility?
In order to accept personal responsibility you need to develop the ability to:
* Seek out and to accept help for yourself.
* Affirm yourself positively.
* Recognize that you choose your responses to the people, actions and events in your life.
* Let go of anger, fear, blame, mistrust and insecurity.
* Reorganize your priorities and goals.
What are the steps in accepting personal responsibility?
Answer the following questions:
How frequently do you claim that others have determined what you are today?
How easy is it to accept that you are responsible for your choices in life?
How easy it is to believe that you determine the direction your life takes?
How easy is it to blame others for where you are today?
What masks do you hide behind to avoid accepting personal responsibility?
How rational are you in dealing with the part you played in being who you are today?
How easy is it to accept blame or admit mistakes?
How frequently do you feel sorry for yourself?
How easy is it to let go of guilt if you stop rescuing those in your life?
How willingly do you take preventive steps to ensure your physical and emotional health?
How successfully have you practiced self-affirmation in your life?
How successfully have you practiced anger work out and letting go in order to get on with your life?
Dr. Tom Smiley, is Senior of Pastor of Lakewood Baptist Church, Gainesville, Georgia. The 2400 member congregation is a vibrant Christian fellowship locally and globally. Dr. Smiley’s is the founder of “Life with Smiles Ministry”. His messages are broadcast on WDUN 550 and his”Blog” entries and thoughts on God, Faith, Current Events, and Islam are available at http://tomsmiley.wordpress.com/ His Books, “Runaway Lives: overcoming emotional undercurrents”, “Angels all Around”, and “Uncommon Common Sense” can be ordered at his Life with Smiles website. Contact Dr. Smiley at tsmiley@lakewoodlife.org
Tip #1: Spend more time around people.
If you want to make friends, you first need to put yourself out there somehow. Friends seldom come knocking on your door while you sit at home watching TV.
- Join a club with people who have common interests. You don’t necessarily have to have a lot of common interests with people in order to make friends with them. In fact, some of the most rewarding friendships are between two people who don’t have much in common at all, but if you have something in common with people, it can make it a lot easier to start a conversation and plan activities together.
- Use the web but get out! Websites like meetup.com is aiming to bring people together with common interests. You can join any group or just start your own. This is a great way to meet new local people!
- Join a sports team. A common misconception about this is that you have to be really good at playing a particular sport in order to make friends with others on the team, but not all teams are so competitive. As long as you enjoy the sport and support your teammates, joining a local team with laid-back attitude could be a great way to make new friends.
- Volunteer. Volunteering is a great way for people of all ages to meet others. By working together you build bonds with people, and you might meet others who have a passion for changing things the way you do–a common cause.
Tip #2: Be Intentional in talking with people.
You can join a club, go to school, or go to church, and you still won’t make friends if you don’t actually talk to people. You can talk to anybody: the cleak at the video store, the person sitting next to you on the bus, or the person in front of you in the lunch line. Don’t be too picky. Most conversations will be a dead-end of sorts when you may never talk to that person again, or you just remain acquaintances-but once in a while you’ll actually make a friend.
- Make eye contact and smile. If you have an unfriendly countenance, people are less likely to be receptive to your friendship.
- Start a conversation. There are many ways to do this; a comment about your immediate environment (The weather is a classic: “At least it’s not raining like last week!”), a request for help (“Can you help me carry a few boxes, if you have a minute?” or “Can you help me decide which one of thiese is a better gift for my mom?”) or a compliment (“That’s a nice car.” or “I love your shoes.”). Follow up immediately with a related question: “Do you like this warm weather?” “What kinds of gifts do you normally buy for your mom?” “Where did you get shoes like that?”
- Make small talk. Keep the conversation light and cheery. Even if you’re complaining about something, make sure it’s something you’re both dissatisfied with, and emphasize the positive such as, how such a situation can be avoided in the future, or alternatives. Bounce a few words back and forth for a little bit.
Tip #3: Introduce yourself towards the end of the conversation.
It can be as simple as saying “Oh, by the way, my name is….”. Once you introduce yourself, the other person will typically do the same. Remember his or her name.
- Initiate a get-together You can chat your heart out but it won’t get you a friend if you don’t open up the opportunity for another conversation or meeting. This is especially important if you meet someone who you aren’t otherwise likely to meet again. Seize the day!
Tip #4: Work at being a “good” friend.
Once you’ve started spending time with potential friends, remember to do your part (i.e. initiating some of the activities, remembering birthdays, asking how the other person is feeling) or else the friendship will become unbalanced and an uneasiness or distance is likely to arise.
- Be reliable. If you and your friend agree to meet somewhere, don’t be late, and do not stand them up. When you say you’ll do something, do it. Be someone that people know that they can count on.
- Be a good listener. many people think that in order to be seen as “friend material” they have to appear very interesting. Far more important than this, however, is the ability to show that you’re interested in others. Listen carefully to what people say, remember important details about them (their names, their likes and dislikes), ask questions about their interests, and just take the time to learn more about them. You don’t want to be the guy or girl that always has a better story than anyone else or that changes the subject abruptly instead of continuing the flow of the conversation. These people appear too wrapped up in themselves to be good friends, “one-ups-man-ship” is a put down.
- Be trustworthy. One of the best things about having a friend is that you have someone to whom you can talk to about anything. Even secrets that you hide from the rest of the world. The key to being a good confidante is the ability to keep secrets, so it’s no secret that you shouldn’t tell other people things that were told to you in confidence. Before people even feel comfortable opening up to you, you need to build trust. Be honest about yourself and your beliefs, and don’t gossip about others or spread rumors or they will think you like stories better than friends.
- Be “there. You’ve probably heard of fair-weather friends. They’re the ones who are happy to be around you when things are going well, but are nowhere to be found when you really need them. Part of being a friend is being prepared to make sacrifices of your time and energy in order to help out your friends. If a friend needs help with an unpleasant chore, or if he or she just needs a shoulder to cry on, be there.
Final consideration:
Choose your friends wisely. An Old Testament proverb says, “Bad company, corrupts good character”.
As you befriend more people, you may find that some are easier to get along with than others. While you always give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes you realize that certain friendships are unhealthy, such as if a person is obsessively needy or controlling towards you, constantly critical, or introducing dangers or threats into your life. If this is the case, ease your way out of the friendship as gracefully as possible. Cherish those friends you make who are a positive influence in your life, and do your best to be a positive influence in theirs.
Dr. Tom Smiley, is Senior of Pastor of Lakewood Baptist Church, Gainesville, Georgia. The 2400 member congregation is a vibrant Christian fellowship locally and globally. Dr. Smiley’s is the founder of “Life with Smiles Ministry”. His messages are broadcast on WDUN 550 and his”Blog” entries and thoughts on God, Faith, Current Events, and Islam are available at http://tomsmiley.wordpress.com/ His Books, “Runaway Lives: overcoming emotional undercurrents”, “Angels all Around”, and “Uncommon Common Sense” can be ordered at his Life with Smiles website. Contact Dr. Smiley at tsmiley@lakewoodlife.org
Research shows that one of the most important factors that affects a child’s performance in school is parental involvement.
All too often, parents assume that just sending their children to school and looking at their report cards is enough.
Not true! If you want to be involved, if you want to actively participate in the relationship between your child and the school, there are some things you can do to make this relationship positive and productive.
Questions every parent should ask:
Is my child performing at grade level in basic skills? Above/Below? Math/Reading?
What are the objectives my child is supposed to attain? How do these objectives lead to the overall goal for the course/grade?
What achievement, intelligence, or vocational aptitude tests have been given to my child in the past year? What do the scores mean? (Be very specific and be sure you understand completely what the reported scores mean.)
- What are my child’s strengths and weaknesses in major subject areas?
- What subjects does my child enjoy most?
- Can we together go over some examples of my child’s class work?
- Does my child need specail help in any academic subject?
- Who are my child’s friends and how does he or she interact with other children?
- Has my child regularly completed assigned homework?
- Has my child attended class regularly?
- Have you observed any changes in learning progress during the year?
- Has learning improved or declined during the year?
Dr. Tom Smiley, is Senior of Pastor of Lakewood Baptist Church, Gainesville, Georgia. The 2400 member congregation is a vibrant Christian fellowship locally and globally. Dr. Smiley’s is the founder of “Life with Smiles Ministry”. His messages are broadcast on WDUN 550 and his”Blog” entries and thoughts on God, Faith, Current Events, and Islam are available at http://tomsmiley.wordpress.com/ His Books, “Runaway Lives: overcoming emotional undercurrents”, “Angels all Around”, and “Uncommon Common Sense” can be ordered at his Life with Smiles website. Contact Dr. Smiley at tsmiley@lakewoodlife.org
